As if saying goodbye to you last year wasn’t bad enough, I have to do it all over again.  I told myself I wasn’t going to be the irrational, emotional, needy mom that I was last summer, but here I am.  Once more, I have a pit in my stomach and a building ache of that last hug before you leave me again and move across the country.  Even though I am grateful you are only states away instead of countries away like your last excursion, you are still leaving, and I am already trying to build up my strength to deal with this next year without you.



A couple of years ago, my then-teenage son asked me if I wanted to watch a TV series with him that he really liked.  Now, when your teenage son asks you to spend any amount of time with them, you jump at the chance.  I was all in and immediately jumped on the couch to start our series.  I was equally happy to find out that the show he chose, The Walking Dead, had eleven seasons, so our time together would be stretched over 177 episodes.  No problem.  Even though it was a show about zombies, just the fact alone that it was my son’s idea for me to join him made my heart swell.  After a while, The Walking Dead became “our thing.”  We would pop popcorn, grab our blankets, and settle in on the sofa for another episode.  As the series continued, I genuinely enjoyed the show, but, mostly, it was just that Nick and I had something special to call our own.

When he chose to join Adventures in Missions and travel around the world for nine months after graduating High School,  we discovered that his training would be in Gainesville, Georgia, less than two hours away from where the show The Walking Dead was filmed.  We were thrilled and planned to extend our trip when dropping him off to include sight-seeing around Senoia, Georgia.  We hoped to see landmarks, buildings, etc., from the set, which we did.  They have a whole museum there dedicated to The Walking Dead and we had fun exploring all that it had to offer and actually seeing some of the props, costumes, and homes used in the show. 

As I look ahead to this next year seeing Nick off a second time, I see how good God was to give us that time together watching The Walking Dead, talking about and picking apart each episode, wondering what would happen next to the characters.  But not only did He give us those hours together on the couch, He also gave us the experience of actually walking the grounds where the show was filmed to add to that sweetest.  What were the odds that that location would be so close to where I would be saying goodbye to my son?  I don’t believe in coincidences.  Knowing I would be letting him go and the pain that was coursing through my heart having to say goodbye, He gave us one more opportunity to solidify our relationship and what we had shared over a couple of years with The Walking Dead.  God is truly that good!!

In less than a month, Nick will be gone again.  It makes me cry just anticipating it.  Funny, I thought that the second time around would be much easier, but I am finding it’s not.  I think it’s because I had him back this summer and it felt so good to have him under our roof again.  We were a family of four once more and my heart was full.  I truly don’t want to let him go again, but this is what boys do.  They grow up and become men, ready to tackle the world.  He is ready, but I am not. 

So, I wrestle with the hurt and pain of goodbye.  I sometimes feel that I stumble around like one of the zombies from The Walking Dead, dragging myself from place to place, moaning, unhappy, and miserable.  Dying a little more each day.  Is this what a mother’s lot in life is?  To love so completely just to let our children go?  No, I don’t entirely think so.  Mothers can’t let go.  It’s not in our nature.  Our kids will always be our kids, and that love never dissipates.  It wasn’t designed to.  It was meant to endure over the years, miles, and generations.  And we just hope that our kids always feel our love as we think of them daily, pray for them hourly, and ponder constantly of when we can see them again.  When they return home, we get filled up again, recharged, and renewed.  Until they leave us again.  And then, we start the whole process over again.  Rinse and repeat until we are on the other side of the cross.