You know when you are feeling depressed and you get the urge to do something crazy like cut your bangs?  Yep.  Been there, done that.  My suggestion is, don’t!  Hold yourself together and don’t call the salon.  Don’t make the appointment.  Just ride out the urge and it will pass!  Trust me, from experience, it only makes the depression worse and you have to wait months for them to grow back.  It’s not worth the anguish.



My son had shaved his head before leaving for the mission field.  He was told the lice was bad in Cambodia and because he would be gone for 9 months, he wouldn’t be able to get a haircut.  So, he grabbed some clippers and his girlfriend helped him do quite a big trim.  This was a big deal! 

My son’s hair has always been important to him.  He takes after my husband who is Portuguese and has a great head of thick hair, so Nick was lucky to have a lot to work with (thank goodness he didn’t get my hair type, which is thin and fine). He started using my expensive salon products and would spend more time styling his hair than I did mine.  Let’s just say he was attached to his mane and always made sure it was styled and perfectly coiffed.  So, when he said he was just going to shave it off, I was a little shocked.  But this was a new stage in his life and he was eager to take the bull by the horns.  A new hairstyle seemed fitting for this next chapter.  After he did it, I was amazed at how much more I could see his handsome face, his green eyes, and his forehead, which was always hidden under his thick bangs.  He looked older and he was ready to conquer the world!

After he left us, I felt I could barely breathe.  There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed and face my day without him.  I was desperate for the sadness to end and figured some excitement might snap me out of it.  Nick had changed his hair with this new season of his life, so why not join the party and do the same?  It worked for him, so it should work for me, right? 

I found some pictures on Pinterest, poled some of my closest girlfriends who knew the slump I was in, called my hair stylist, and jumped in with both feet.  I hadn’t had bangs since I was a young girl, so this was a big shift in my appearance, but I was in adventure mode.  My son was on this big crusade, so I was going to join him in some small way.  Even if it meant matching hairdos. 

Well, it has been almost 9 months now and I am still trying to grow the darn things out.  The pictures on Pinterest looked beautiful, but I could never figure out how to style them like the models, so I ended up looking sadder than before I had decided to cut them.  This didn’t help my self-esteem.  My girlfriends and family tried to tell me I looked beautiful, but I knew they were just trying to boost my mood.  This act of grasping at straws, running off the rails, and chopping my hair wasn’t the answer to fixing my sadness.

I came to the realization that I actually think I knew my role as mother was changing and with that change, perhaps, I was supposed to somehow look different.  When really, a new haircut wasn’t going to take my pain away or bring my son back.  My new role as a mom with an adult child living outside the home was now going to be permanent.  I couldn’t go back.  I had to figure out how to embrace the loneliness, the missing of my firstborn, bangs or no bangs.  But in that, somehow, find the joy of having raised a man who was confident and sure of himself enough to start pursuing his faith and sharing it with others who didn’t have any.  Isn’t that what we are all called to do?  Isn’t that what I had raised him all these years to do? 

So, Mamas, the hurt will come.  It will be there and sting, and sting bad.  But it hurts that much because we love that much.  It seems like a bad thing, but it really isn’t.  Loving that much is exactly what our kids need.  To know we are still thinking of them and loving them from afar. 

So, put down the scissors.  Put away your phone and don’t call the hairdresser.  Call instead on the One who you can always rest in and who will give you solace.  He will carry you through.  Open your Bible.  Talk to Him.  Pray to Him and share your heart.  Cry out to Him.  He can fill the void that is left when your child leaves.  He can wrap you in a blanket of love that no one else can.  As your child moves away, move closer now to your Abba Father who was always by your side as you mothered and parented your child.  He was there carrying you on your hardest days of being a mother (perhaps during the terrible two’s stage or the moody teenager phase).  Here is your chance to build a new relationship with your Savior.  As we cry and pout that our children are leaving the nest and we don’t like it, I wonder if He looks at us like a toddler having a tantrum.  As our Father, He lovingly comes alongside us to dry the tears and calm us down.  We may not like it, but we have to go through it.  We can stomp our feet and scream, or we can take a deep breath and turn our face toward Jesus letting Him lead the way to this next chapter of motherhood. 

And whatever you do, don’t cut your bangs!