My husband and I recently celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary.  Typically, we just go out to dinner and exchange a card and small gifts to commemorate.  This year, however, we had timeshare points we had to use by the end of the year or we would lose them, so we did something unconventional.  We hopped on a plane to Arizona and spent a few days at a resort in Scottsdale.  We took naps, read books, sat by the pool, ate out, and even spent our anniversary at a spa where we enjoyed a couples massage being pampered. 

As we sat out on our veranda talking, we asked ourselves why we don’t do this more often.  Being alone, just the two of us without kids and/or other travel companions, we were able to be on our own schedule and really relax.  We had time to have deep conversations and connect in a way we seldom do at home with the busyness of life.  We vowed to travel again and make this a regular habit benefitting our relationship and marriage.

Here’s the thing.  When we get married, we vow to love and cherish our spouse till death do us part.  In the honeymoon phase before kids come into the picture, our lives are all about our significant other.  Often times we can’t get enough of each other.  We can’t wait to come home to our spouse.  Every minute away from them feels like an eternity.  Life is bliss. 

Then, kids come onto the scene.  With sleepless nights tending to a newborn baby, added responsibilities with work and other volunteer commitments, we tend to spend less time together as the focus shifts to the kids and their needs.  Because we are stretched thin with limited sleep and caring for children who require so much from us, our spouses begin to only get what is left from us as the end of each day.  And, honestly, there is not much left to give.  The people we vowed the most to tend to be the ones we give the least amount of attention to. 

Why do we let this happen?  The once passionate exchanges are now a quick kiss in kitchen in the morning as we say our goodbyes.  We run through our days in the rat race of life and barely have enough energy by nightfall to once again give a peck on the cheek and fall into bed too exhausted to talk or check in with one another. 

This is why we must be intentional with our spouses.  Add regular date nights to the calendar and getaway trips with just the two of you.  It is essential to have talk time on the couch to unite, bring each other up to speed on the kids, work, finances, how you are doing individually, sync calendars, pray together, etc.  Set the kids up in the next room with an activity while you connect nearby.  They will see you making each other a priority.  Our spouses did, after all, come first before the kids, and they will be who is with us after the children move out, so make the commitment to routinely check in.  Communication is key to a marriage and prioritizing time for it is essential. 

My husband and I were surprised that our short vacation away did so much good for our souls and our marriage.  We discovered we really do still like each other and had fun just the two of us.  It was like it was before we had children and it gave us an opportunity to fall in love all over again.  An added bonus was it gave our daughter a chance to miss us, too.  We were feeling refreshed and rejuvenated to return home and back to our usual commitments.  This time, however, we kissed a little longer in the kitchen before saying goodbye.  I think we are going to adjust well to being empty nesters after all.