When they say “it takes a village”, they weren’t joking.  Not only a village to help surround our kids with love and support, but for us mamas, too.  We need a tribe of fellow moms to assist in building us up and encouraging us to continue on this journey of motherhood, which is quite a treacherous one.  It is not one that I would recommend venturing through alone. 

For the past 54 years, I have been building my tribe and God has been so good to bring women into my life who are devoted to me, as well as my children.  They want what is best for my family and have been faithful to come alongside me during the hard times, as well as celebrating with me during the good.

A search for the meaning of the word, tribe is described as a “family.”  What a beautiful way to describe a circle of friends.  A tribe is considered to be as close as family, and my tribe is certainly that.  With only my sister living nearby, my husband and I have been intentional about seeking out a group of people who would join our Furtado clan to be our close “family”, since our own relatives live out of state.  It has taken a long time to build those relationships and we have done so by plugging in at the church we have attended for the last 23 years.  There, we have found mentors and people who have chosen to come around us to be surrogate grandparents to our children.  We have raised our kids alongside other couples who love our son and daughter as their own.  They have prayed for us.  They have attend sporting events and other extracurricular activities to cheer our kids on.  We have spent holidays together.  We have cried together, but also laughed a lot.  They have been family.

Another way I was able to find mom friends is through our kids’ school.  By volunteering and being involved in the school’s happenings, I have been able to come into contact with likeminded women who are there for the same reason.  We need community and a school is a great way to find other mothers to lock arms with.  These women are also at the school and can have eyes on our kids to help make sure they are behaving well and minding their manners.  I appreciate the extra accountability it provides my kids.  They know other parents are watching and that isn’t a bad thing. 

Our community provides a plethora of different classes and activities that we can bring our children to for enrichment, but it is also a wonderful way to meet other mothers in the same stage of life as you.  I always had my toddlers signed up for music, cooking, gymnastics, art, or other classes where they could learn something new.  It got us out of the house and they could release some energy.  I would be able to find other parents to have some much-needed adult conversations with.  It was a win-win for everyone and we had fun in the meantime.  Playdates are so good for children to help them with socializing and exercise, but also therapeutic for moms to engage in as sometimes days with little ones can be so mundane.  I learned many great parenting hacks, recipes, advice on sleep schedules, etc., in the many hours of conversations with other moms during this season and they were a Godsend. 

Your tribe doesn’t have to be big, just committed and trustworthy.  It is a gift to not only have people in your corner, but to be a friend to other mothers when they need it.  Having good friends means we have to be good friend in return.  We have to be available and willing to help when the storms of parenting get rough.  It means picking up a child from school when a parent’s doctor’s appointment runs long.  It means bringing a meal to a family who is sick with the flu.  It could mean sitting with a mother and crying with her when her child makes poor choices.  It could look like a night of prayer with a couple whose child is wayward.  Or taking a friend with cancer to her radiation appointment.  There are so many ways to help carry the load when there is a need.  And there is always a need, big or small.

It also means, though, that we have to be okay asking for help when we need it.  Reach out, even if it feels hard.  Friendship is reciprocal.  And, let’s be honest, none of us have it all together, especially when it comes to parenting. So, let’s have some grace for ourselves, as well as others.  Motherhood is learning-as-we- go.  So often we second guess our choices and when we can have a circle of other moms cheering us on, it can do wonders for our morale and our souls.  We don’t always get it right, but a pat on the back and encouragement to keep getting back up is so needed.  As women, we are good at loving and nurturing.  Let’s not only do that with our children, but with each other, too. 

Being able to find a group of women to live life with is vital.  Women who you can truly be yourself with is a gift.  You can get together and feel comfortable not wearing a stitch of makeup or doing your hair.  You can dress up or wear pajamas, and they love you regardless.  They are, also, the type of people who are brutally honest with you when you need it.  I had a dear friend gently tell me that she thought I had post-partum depression after my daughter was born and that seeking help would be prudent.  It wasn’t easy for her to tell me this, but she was right and I was able to get assistance from my doctor.  They are the kind of friends who tell you if you have spinach in your teeth or the tag hanging out of your blouse.  I recently had a good friend tell me that, perhaps, the bra I was currently using didn’t give me enough support.  By golly, she was correct after seeing a photo of myself and realizing it was time to do some bra shopping.  I was so glad she told me!  Good friends tell you the truth, even if it’s difficult.  But, they do it because they love you.  That is the intent behind it.  Because they want what is best for you. 

Our dear husbands are our partners in life, but we also need other women on our team.  Husbands process differently, can’t always understand our emotions, or handle things like we would.  That is why having other women to vent to is so imperative.  And, sometimes, having a girls’ night or girls’ weekend away is so healthy for us.  To slip away from our families for a break and just be.  We can let our hair down, talk for hours, laugh, and commiserate.  It is amazing what this time with our girlfriends can provide us – usually some peace and rejuvenation to return to our mom jobs with a renewed sense of purpose and drive.  I read a quote once that said “Behind every great woman is another great woman” and I can’t agree more. 

So, if you are having a hard time finding your tribe, pray.  Pray that God would bring you decent, loving, supportive friends.  Seek out other women in your church, kids’ school, extra-curricular classes and activities.  Chances are, the other women there are trying to do the same thing as you.  Connect, put yourself out there, invite them over, get plugged in.  It could mean that you find those friendships that last a lifetime and will part of your dearly beloved tribe.