Have you ever heard the phrase “Motherhood is a thankless job?”  I have, too.  And, honestly, I have to confess that I may have had that same thought in my own head a time or two on my mothering journey.  Some days I feel just like the hired help.  The only difference is, I don’t get paid for all the work I put in serving my family.  But, don’t I? 

Growing up, my own mother was a stay-at-home mom, and I always appreciated that.  She was there religiously for me and my siblings.  Although we had a babysitter on occasion, our mother was our constant caregiver tending to all of our needs and being our source of comfort.  I can still remember seeing her figure in our doorway as I walked home from my elementary school not far from our house.  With each turn of the corner and seeing her visibly waiting for me there gave me the warmest feeling and I was instantly at peace.  I knew I was “home” because she was what made our house a home.  A refuge and a safe space.  She was our security blanket. 

When my husband and I decided to have children, we both felt strongly that what was best for our family life would be for me to stay home with our kids.  Because I had benefited from this in my own childhood, I was so thankful that we could offer our children the same upbringing.  Even though it was a sacrifice financially, what I could provide for my family in this role has turned out to be priceless.  I knew not only were we having to now live off one paycheck, but my time would be spent serving my family 24/7.  As my husband has worked tirelessly through the years putting in more hours than I could ever account for to allow me the opportunity to stay home, I am ever so grateful for his efforts.  He is a family man and rarely complains about his job and all that he physically and mentally exerts in a work day.  Because of this, I can gladly serve him because he appreciates me and I, him.  It’s a team effort.  We respect each other’s roles and work together as a well-oiled machine in unison for the betterment of our family.  Our household runs on love, appreciation, respect, and a whole lot of faith to keep it going. 

Although being a stay-at-home mom has been a huge blessing, it hasn’t come without its hardships.  The mundane routine can set in and you find yourself watching the clock, living off of a set schedule of feedings, naps, cooking, cleaning, and sleepless nights.  I am not going to lie.  Some days I was envious of my husband as he jutted off to work leaving me with piles of laundry, dirty dishes, and smelly diapers to clean up after.  I coveted his opportunity to leave the house, get dressed up, have adult conversations, and even alone time as he got to drive in his car sans kids.  He got notoriety on a job well done from his boss, earning awards and certificates, while I took care of baby spit-ups, spilled milk, and crusty noses of sick kids without one shred of a “job well done” or “raise” in pay.  Even though I knew what I was doing was important and necessary, some days it left me feeling lonely and invisible. 

The human condition loves recognition.  It craves to be seen and heard.  It feeds off of words of affirmation and praise.  However, another word comes to mind regarding this and that is the word “pride.”  We humans can be so prideful in thinking that everything we do should be commended and acclaimed.  Our flesh seeks approval and we often feel entitled to be rewarded for our good works.  To me, then, does that mean that everything we do is conditional?  That a good deed should be met with something in return?  Even though many times I have fallen into this mindset, I have to take a step back and do a heart check.  And here’s why. 

Our babies are learning from us.  They watch how we care for them and others.  Do we expect our babies to thank us every time we change their diaper or wipe their face?  Or do we know how much we are their world when they smile at us and say “I love you, Mommy.”  Isn’t that and their little hugs affirmation enough?  Aren’t we supposed to model for them how to help others and joyfully give of our time, talents, and money?  Don’t we encourage our kids to be kind and care for those in need?  By serving them, we show how to do that with a heaping dose of love and compassion.  Not by demanding them to thank us and give us a pat on the back because our egos need to be puffed. 

When children are little, it is easy for them to express their adoration of us.  They paint cute pictures of us to hang on the fridge.  They make Mother’s Day gifts at school to be given with beaming faces and snuggle us all day long.  However, as the teenage years approach, those little acts of appreciation seem to wane.  No longer are you the most wonderful mother in world.  You are now the most uncool mom that they don’t want to share the same room with.  They are more interested in their friends and possess a more me-centered mentality as they are finding their place in this world.  Their unkind words can sting and we are left wondering what we did wrong to receive such harshness.  Their attitudes are laced with ungratefulness, rude eye rolls, and mood swings.  As mothers, our hearts begin to ache for the younger years when our kids couldn’t get enough of us with their little hand in ours. 

Again, the human condition kicks in and we start to become agitated.  Well, if they aren’t going to appreciate me, then I won’t serve them.  I won’t cook and clean.  I won’t do anything nice since they aren’t being nice to me.  We become just as stubborn as our teenagers, turning into childlike behavior when we don’t get what we want.  Sometimes I wonder if God looks down on us in these moments and views us like toddlers throwing temper tantrums.  We kick and scream, sad because our kids aren’t behaving in the way we want them to.  Does this make us any better than them?  So, the conviction spurs in us once again because our mom hearts beat differently for our kids than anyone else.  Our nurturing spirit can’t help but turn back to our kids to care for them, even if they are being difficult and snarky.  We remember what it was like to be their age and to be so uncertain about everything.  We were trying to regulate hormones and understand friendships.  And the last thing we wanted to do was to be nice, especially to the people we loved most, because they were our safe place to be just that, confused and restless, knowing that despite who we were, our parents would still love us regardless.

So, we continue to show them our love by showing up with their favorite drink when they have had a bad day.  We meet them at their bedroom door with a readiness to listen and hug, if they will let us.  We keep our mouths closed when we really want to offer advice, but they just want a sounding board to hear them out instead.  When we make them their most-liked meal for supper and they don’t say a word at the table, but we know it’s comfort food to them and is easing something in their hearts just by eating it.  When we try to be funny and make them laugh, but the look on their face tells us they are mortified, we do it anyway because someday they will look back and remember the moment that will likely put a smile on their face. 

And, that is the hope.  That one day, when we are no longer here and our kids reflect on their childhood, they will recognize that we never stopped caring for them.  No matter how old they got, we were still there for them.  We kept showing up.  When they become parents and begin sacrificing for their own kids, that is when they will get it.  That will be the moment that they appreciate us not turning away from them when we rightly could have.  When their actions and harsh words broke our hearts so deeply, and yet we didn’t give up on them.  Because that is what God does for us.  He doesn’t turn away even when we mess up.  So, serve anyway.  Even when the teenage angst takes over your home.  Even when you feel like your kids don’t see you and all that you do for them.  Keep loving them fiercely because one day they will miss you.  One day they will have remorse and regret for how they handled something and wish they could have a do-over. But the love you showed them will then carry over in how they care for their children and the family cycle will continue.  One day your hard work will be rewarded and that will be in the sweet legacy you leave behind.